Chennai Express

Whoa buddy! Where do I start with this movie?
Ok let me be positve and start off with the good things about the movie. It stars Sharukh Khan and I think that's the end of the positives.

This movie was seriously bad. I'm not really familiar with red chillies so I can't really compare this to their other works, all I can do is go off of this movie and I must say that if all their other movies are like this then I'm not looking forward to upcoming films.

The dancing, acting, story, music, just everything was painfully bad and it wasn't one of the movies where you watched the whole thing and afterwards you say to your friend "hey, Nisha yeah I didn't really like it". No, it's one of those movies where you say "oh my god Nisha! I'm 20 minutes in and I want to gouge my own eyes out of my head!"

I truly wish I could I unhear that stupid song that had the words "booty shake, booty shake" in the chorus. They tried to be clever and reference a few of Khan's more famous works. "My name is Khan" and "Dilwale Dulhania le jenge" make scene cameos throughout the film but instead of making me feel all cutesy and laugh with recognition. It made me smack myself in the face and say "I can't believe they just did that!?"

So I suffer through the whole movie hoping that it will have some glimmer of hope of getting better but it only gets worst and I'm thinking to myself "how is that even possible? How can it get worst?" Enter epic fight scene from the book of absurdity. Khan gets his ass handed to him by the giant brute of a guy who uses his head to smash the carefully lined up food stalls that are surrounding their carefully constructed fight circle. I just can't like it. I tried really hard because I'm a big Sharukh fan but all I could think was "why Sharukh?? Why?"

So please don't put this in your queue. Actually steer clear of it if you see it. It might rub off on better movies. Oh and wtf was with the little person in the forest??!'
Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Starring
Hrithik Roshan 
Abhay Deol 
Farhan Akhtar 
Katrina Kaif

So I’m a huge Hrithik Roshan fan, I knew that I would enjoy this movie simply because he was one of the stars. However, other than him being in it, it did look like one of those romcoms that might be worth watching.
The movie definitely didn’t disappoint.
I really enjoyed it and it wasn’t because it was necessarily a great story or had over the top acting. It was more just a feel good movie. It also has one of my favorite songs of the year in it, “Ik Junoon”. It's a great song to dance to, work out to or just sing in the car on a road trip to feel good about yourself.

As for the story it was pretty much what the title eludes it to be. You don’t live life twice so you might as well make the best of what you’ve got. Live in the moment and don’t give up on your dreams just because of other people’s opinions. It s a great motto to live by, but also a very unrealistic one. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m the first person to yell YOLO and take a shot of vodka but I’m also the person that will go to bed right after that shot because I have to wake up to go to work the next day.
In true unrealistic movie fashion the three guys take this amazing trip to Spain and go on all these heart stopping adventures. Heart stopping usually means that it’s expensive. They go scuba diving, sky diving and of course run with the bulls. All very exciting adventures in themselves but, of course, they are ushered around the country by the beautiful Katrina Kaif. I’m not going to address her acting skills because that point would be moot, we all know what she gets cast for: She looks good in a bikini and isn’t afraid to flaunt copious amounts of skin.

What really made me angry with this movie is the westernization of almost every aspect of the movie. I feel like I will continue to have this gripe as time goes on and we move further away from the true roots of bollywood films. What’s with the proposal scene that launches the whole movie?? Are we supposed to believe that young people in the east are just casually getting engaged nowadays? And why is everybody having one night stands now? That wedding scene at the end was way too American. I really enjoyed the message of this film, it was definitely a feel good movie but the American influences are ruining my love for new bollywood movies.
Stop making out with people Hrithik!!!

Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby

Ishqzaade

Starring
Arjun Kapoor
Pariniti Chopra

This is one of those meaningful movies that makes you take a step back from the happy go lucky world of Bollywood musicals and rom-coms.  Ishqazaade parallels that of many modern day Romeo & Juliet stories and makes you realize the harsh realities of young people coming from two very different religious backgrounds. It also shows us the depth of the beliefs within Islam and Hinduism.

The tragic love story follows the two main characters Parma and Zoya. They both live in a small village and come from very religious and politically driven families.  I didn’t realize people could be that hardcore about their beliefs and it made me feel that, maybe, I was too fickle a person to be capable of such unswerving faith.  So Zoya, being Muslim, is Parma’s (a hindu) absolute enemy and their parents are rivals in the towns political race.  Parma is the local badass that spends most of his time partying with his gang of goons, raising hell in the streets and drinking his nights away in the arms of a beautiful prostitute.  Zoya is an independent hothead.  She doesn’t want to fulfill the typical duties of a Muslim woman, she doesn’t want to marry and keep house and  she’d rather follow in her father’s footsteps and hold a position of power.  They end up together after a pretty rough altercation at a university.

At first the relationship is very unhealthy, they fight constantly and Zoya can’t imagine that his interest in her is genuine.  He eventually woos her and they enjoy a typical bollywood movie romance.  Parma convinces Zoya to have a discreet Hindu wedding with just his friends in attendance and Zoya regretfully accepts.  I say regretfully because after they take their vows he unceremoniously takes her to an abandoned train where they have sex for the first time.  Now up until this point I was taking the movie very seriously but the minute Parma gets up and leaves her there half naked, spouting harsh insults about being Muslim trash, I couldn’t help but bursting in out into laughter.
It was so unexpected.  I never thought the story would have taken such a crazy turn.  I laughed hard but I also felt bad for Zoya.  I mean he took her virginity under false affections and then he sent out pictures across the internet of her Hindu wedding.
He really did some low down dirty things.

Later in the movie, after a climactic scene where Parmas mother is accidentally killed while trying to protect Zoya, the story takes on another feel.  We now see Parma's retribution.  He tries to win Zoya's trust and convince her that his love for her is true and she was a better person than I would have been in that situation.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, when she stabbed him with the broken glass I was like “you go girl!!” but other than that, she accepted him back into her life pretty easily.
However, we do have to keep in mind that she didn’t have much of a life left, her family had written her off and her community shunned her.

SPOILER!! The movie ends with both Parma and Zoya killing each other.  The irony of their deaths is that the two families Hindu and Muslim both joined forces to try and kill their own children.
Like I said I’m way too fickle to understand the loyalty that this would entail.

It was an emotional movie, not a traditional bollywood romance in the least. However it is an important film that portrays the realities of two very different religions under one culture.  Put it in your queue. Watch it and let it marinate.

Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby

Main, Meri Patni Aur Woh

Starring:
Rajpal Yadav 
Rituparna Sengupta 
Varun Badola 
Kay Kay Menon

Not a very recent movie but definitely one to put in your Netflix queue.  Main Meri Patni Aur Woh loosely translates into “Love comes in all sizes" and I’m not sure if this would count as a traditional Bollywood movie, it is in Hindi and takes place in Lucknow India, but there are no singing and dancing scenes.

To a lot of Americans I think this would be a good transition movie, for those that aren’t a fan of too much singing and dancing, because story wise, it's great.

We’ve got an insecure short man played by Rajpal Yadav who marries a beautiful and quite tall woman Rituparna Sengupta. Even though Yadav's character is financially stable and a genuinely good person, he cant seem to forget his, literal, shortcomings and, don’t get me wrong, I cant really blame him.
Usually short men can develop a Napoleonic personality, always feeling that they have to make up for their lack of height with flashy cars, lots of money and a generally aggressive attitude but, in this case, he’s more suspicious of every man around him. After he marries Segupta's character Veena, their honeymoon period is short lived.  His best friend Saleem, played by Varun Badola, is suddenly too friendly, the rickshaw driver, who has always looked out for him, starts hanging around too often, offering his wife too many rides and the icing on the cake, Veena's childhood friend Akash played by Kay Kay Menon just happens to move next door.   Akash is tall dark and handsome (well kind of) and Veena and Akash pick up their friendship where it left off, which consists of playful hitting and copious amounts of laughter over inside jokes. Obviously, Mitilesh feels left out, he feels threatened by Akash and tries every way possible to separate him from Veena but his efforts are futile because, after all, the guy lives right next door.
So, in the end, he gives up on the supposed inevitability of the two of them falling in love,  he begins suspecting his wife of cheating on him with Akash and even follows her to prove his suspicions. There really isn’t any concrete evidence that she’s cheating on him but his insecurities get the best of him.

Rajpal Yadav does a great job of portraying an insecure yet loveable husband.  You can’t help but root for him because he’s so tragically cute.  I don’t think this movie is meant to be a comedy, but I laughed on numerous occasions.  When he gets pushed in the dirt by a gang of young guys I think it’s supposed to be sad but boy oh boy was I laughing. I think I’ve watched this movie at least 20 times and what makes it especially unique is that there aren’t crazy big stars in this film. The story and acting is so good that it doesn’t need a name to make it memorable.

Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby

Meri Dad Ki Maruti

Starring 
Saqib Saleem 
Rhea Chakraborty 
Ram Kapoor 
Prabal Panjabi 

I’ve got a pretty active imagination and a very ticklish funny bone, so a Bollywood comedy is always welcomed. American humor and Indian humor are very different. Right now, what is big in America hasn’t really caught on in India…yet. The closest Bollywood comedy that parallels our penchant for uncomfortable situations and all out crass humor was Delhi Belly. I’ll leave that commentary for its own separate review. 
Meri Dad Ki Maruti simply translates to “My Dads Maruti” or more easily understood “My Dads car” They stress the type if car because in India, Maruti (Suzuki over here in the states) is a pretty sought after car. I would compare it to maybe a Lexus.
Anyway, the plot is actually very simple: Middle class loafer type kid wants to show off to an airhead hot girl on his college campus. His perfect opportunity to bag this bodaciously hot babe is to impress her with a brand new red hot maruti Irdiga, fully loaded and ready to roll. However it’s not meant to roll for him as it was bought for his sister as a wedding present, but we know how it goes. He sneaks it out of the locked garage 3 days before the wedding to take Jazzleen (Rhea Chakraborty) out on a date. The car gets “stolen” while being valet parked and the madness ensues. 

Newcomer and leading guy Saqib Saleem does a pretty fair job of acting but nothing, really, to write home about. His looks, of course, are above subpar because, just like Hollywood, sex sells and talent comes after. A model himself, Saleem is tall and handsome and of course he has a completely toned and hairless chest (yeah, that’s natural!) so it’s only fitting that he was picked.
For me, the real star of this wasn’t Saqib Saleem or his equally sexy, yet moderately talented, love interest Rhea Chakraborty, it's actually the best friend character played by Prabal Panjabi. He is not a model (actually he’s quite short (5’ 8”??) but his performance made the film that more funny. Great facial expressions and he really made me laugh.

The best part of the movie to me was the scene where his sister puts on this sexy dance for her fiancé and, boy, is the dance NSFW. Actually it’s not suitable for anyone with eyes! Its hilariously over the top sexual inuendos and quirky gyrations poke fun at traditional bollywood dance scenes.

Lighthearted fun that had a somewhat predictable ending. If you’ve got some free time then give it a shot but not a movie that you need to put in your Netflix queue anytime soon.

Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby

Ek Tha Tiger

Who doesn’t love a good action movie?  Especially a long anticipated one.  I remember seeing billboards for Ek Tha Tiger all over Queens. I love me a good Bollywood action movie, mostly because the action part is usually so overly exaggerated that it makes it laughable and Oh buddy! does this movie deliver on that. 
Salman Khan plays the lead spy and he spends a good portion of the movie in short sleeve dress shirts riding around on a scooter.  This must be a whole new version of cool spy because, last time I checked, no 35 year old man ever looked cool riding around on a scooter; anyway, back to the actual spy activity.  Khan infiltrates this world renowned scientist’s house to find out some top secret information because, you know, isn’t that always what they need to find? Anyway cue the ridiculous action scenes! and I mean flying kicks, bombs going off in mid air and this spy must have the ability to fly because he defies gravity. 

No spy movie, of course, would be complete without a female counterpart.  Enter Katrina Kaif.  She makes being a female spy look like a walk in the park!
There’s a scene where she is being chased by numerous police officers, at least 20, because, typically, you need 20 armed men to take down an unarmed waif thin woman.  So she’s kicking and punching her way down 12 stories and, mind you, the entire chase her hair is flawlessly curled.  She doesn’t even have any fly aways! To make it worse, she’s wearing this frilly white top and, would you believe it?  She walks away from a hand to hand combat with the shirt completely intact! not a stain or tear, no, not even a sweat stain but, hey, like I said, if she did have any of those normal things then it wouldn’t fit in with the theme of ridiculousness. 
The rest of the movie follows suit with more unrealistic fighting and a very forgettable love story. The ending scene has to have car/motorcycle chases, explosions, gun fighting and a random plane.  Khan has to time his motorcycle jump to launch himself onto a plane that Kaif is flying. 
I forgot to mention that he gets shot in his arm but, you know, that’s pretty much the equivalent of a paper cut to him, so it doesn’t affect his performance at all. I’d be rolled up on the floor crying for my mother (I guess that’s why I’m not a spy).   

Overall it was truly a great fake action movie, well at least in my opinion it is but for some, like my good friend Samiksha Sheth, it is merely a “time pass movie”.

Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby

Rani Mukherji is the cats pajamas

Don't get me started on my girl Rani but since I literally called her the cats pajamas, I guess we've already started.

Initially I was going to review one of my favorite movies Saathiya but I realized that one of the main reasons that I love the movie is because of Rani Mukherji. Don't get me wrong Vivek Oberoi is a great actor(Kurbaan anyone??) But there's something about Rani Mukherji that just radiates greatness.

She is absolutely stunning and honesty even if she weren't she'd still be able to pull off sexy and/or coy. I think it's a combination of her eyes and body language. I admire her because she can make a burlap sack look sexy. But not just slutty sexy but, you know, sexy with class.

In Laaga Chunari Mein Daag she plays a prostitute. An actual prostitute!! But OMG I found myself saying "oh wow I wish I could be a prostitute too"(Stupid I know). In Baabul she made me ball like one of my own family members died. The scene where she danced with Salman Khans sweater!! Hot damn I was a slobbery mess of tears. Muhjse Dosti Karoge and her love triangle with Hrithik Roshan (oh how I love me some Hrithik)

I know for a fact that she is versatile and can handle comedy as well.  Dil Bole Hadippa was a riot. I still have so many movies to see to completely grasp the fullness of her talents but I can't wait to see them all.
Any suggestions to further prove me right??

Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby