Chennai Express

Whoa buddy! Where do I start with this movie?
Ok let me be positve and start off with the good things about the movie. It stars Sharukh Khan and I think that's the end of the positives.

This movie was seriously bad. I'm not really familiar with red chillies so I can't really compare this to their other works, all I can do is go off of this movie and I must say that if all their other movies are like this then I'm not looking forward to upcoming films.

The dancing, acting, story, music, just everything was painfully bad and it wasn't one of the movies where you watched the whole thing and afterwards you say to your friend "hey, Nisha yeah I didn't really like it". No, it's one of those movies where you say "oh my god Nisha! I'm 20 minutes in and I want to gouge my own eyes out of my head!"

I truly wish I could I unhear that stupid song that had the words "booty shake, booty shake" in the chorus. They tried to be clever and reference a few of Khan's more famous works. "My name is Khan" and "Dilwale Dulhania le jenge" make scene cameos throughout the film but instead of making me feel all cutesy and laugh with recognition. It made me smack myself in the face and say "I can't believe they just did that!?"

So I suffer through the whole movie hoping that it will have some glimmer of hope of getting better but it only gets worst and I'm thinking to myself "how is that even possible? How can it get worst?" Enter epic fight scene from the book of absurdity. Khan gets his ass handed to him by the giant brute of a guy who uses his head to smash the carefully lined up food stalls that are surrounding their carefully constructed fight circle. I just can't like it. I tried really hard because I'm a big Sharukh fan but all I could think was "why Sharukh?? Why?"

So please don't put this in your queue. Actually steer clear of it if you see it. It might rub off on better movies. Oh and wtf was with the little person in the forest??!'
Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby

Ek Tha Tiger

Who doesn’t love a good action movie?  Especially a long anticipated one.  I remember seeing billboards for Ek Tha Tiger all over Queens. I love me a good Bollywood action movie, mostly because the action part is usually so overly exaggerated that it makes it laughable and Oh buddy! does this movie deliver on that. 
Salman Khan plays the lead spy and he spends a good portion of the movie in short sleeve dress shirts riding around on a scooter.  This must be a whole new version of cool spy because, last time I checked, no 35 year old man ever looked cool riding around on a scooter; anyway, back to the actual spy activity.  Khan infiltrates this world renowned scientist’s house to find out some top secret information because, you know, isn’t that always what they need to find? Anyway cue the ridiculous action scenes! and I mean flying kicks, bombs going off in mid air and this spy must have the ability to fly because he defies gravity. 

No spy movie, of course, would be complete without a female counterpart.  Enter Katrina Kaif.  She makes being a female spy look like a walk in the park!
There’s a scene where she is being chased by numerous police officers, at least 20, because, typically, you need 20 armed men to take down an unarmed waif thin woman.  So she’s kicking and punching her way down 12 stories and, mind you, the entire chase her hair is flawlessly curled.  She doesn’t even have any fly aways! To make it worse, she’s wearing this frilly white top and, would you believe it?  She walks away from a hand to hand combat with the shirt completely intact! not a stain or tear, no, not even a sweat stain but, hey, like I said, if she did have any of those normal things then it wouldn’t fit in with the theme of ridiculousness. 
The rest of the movie follows suit with more unrealistic fighting and a very forgettable love story. The ending scene has to have car/motorcycle chases, explosions, gun fighting and a random plane.  Khan has to time his motorcycle jump to launch himself onto a plane that Kaif is flying. 
I forgot to mention that he gets shot in his arm but, you know, that’s pretty much the equivalent of a paper cut to him, so it doesn’t affect his performance at all. I’d be rolled up on the floor crying for my mother (I guess that’s why I’m not a spy).   

Overall it was truly a great fake action movie, well at least in my opinion it is but for some, like my good friend Samiksha Sheth, it is merely a “time pass movie”.

Article by the Diner's very own Bollywood reporter Kiva Ashby